From Social Butterfly to Wallflower: The Top Reasons Your Dog May Not Play Anymore
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People sometimes contact me with concerns about their dogs becoming aggressive with other dogs. These same dogs used to love playing with their friends and they readily made new doggie friends when taken to puppy socials, dog parks, or friend’s houses. I can’t immediately give them an answer - we need to chat about what’s happening or has happened in the dog’s life that might account for the change in attitude. But in the end, there’s a short list of things that are likely the cause of this. Let’s take a short look at each one.
Social Maturity
Roughly between the ages of 2-3, dogs become socially mature. And, as a result, we fully expect some changes in their behavior. Sure, some dogs go on acting like puppies - perhaps for just a while longer or forever. But typically, we should expect our adult dogs to:
Play less in general
Be more selective about who they will play with
Be less tolerant of what they consider rude behavior
That sounds rather like many human adults I know. Sure, I still get a kick out of playing with kids, but many (most?) adult humans reach a stage where they simply play less, are selective about who they’ll play with, and they’re less tolerant of what they consider rude behavior (me too for that last part). Why should dogs be expected to play with every other dog who shows up or to put up with rude behavior? We know that it’s unrealistic to expect them to.
Pain
Dogs who are hurting often respond with what looks like aggressive behaviors. Telling other dogs to move away is a reasonable response if getting bumped or jumped on hurts. At the risk of more anthropomorphism, I’m sure you can understand that we sometimes just want to be left alone when we’re not feeling well. Undiagnosed pain is often the source of behavior problems. Treating the underlying issue - or merely treating the pain - can often help dogs be more tolerant of other dogs and, in some cases, dogs who have not played for years might start soliciting play from other dogs once they are feeling better.
Scary experiences
Fear is easy to install in animals and it can be difficult, and sometimes impossible, to resolve. And while puppies are most susceptible, dogs can become afraid at any age. But there’s hope. With the right trainer, we can often help dogs regain their confidence so they’ll feel more comfortable playing with their friends.
Rusty Social Skills
I’ve seen dogs who haven’t been able to socialize - for any number of reasons - get a wee-bit out of practice. They might be a little too forward (so dogs don’t want to play with them) or they might be a little more timid than they used to be. If that’s truly all that’s happened, they’ll often remember how to interact with practice. But if their attempts are leading to frequent arguments, I encourage you to get some help from a qualified force-free trainer (using painful or scary punishment won’t help and will likely make the problem worse).
Craving Social Opportunities
Given the last year, many dogs haven’t had as much opportunity to interact with other dogs. Those dogs might get rusty social skills. Or they might be just dying to say hi to others of their own species. This is such an important point that Britain has enshrined the right to get together with other dogs in their “Five Freedoms for Animals.” We often see these dogs pulling, growling, barking, and snarling at other dogs when they are on leash and come upon another dog. It can look really scary and very much like aggression. But these dogs may simply be frustrated that they can’t get to the other dog to say hi. It can be hard to tell the difference. But it’s likely frustration if the dog does well with other dogs when off-leash.
If your dog is healthy and not afraid, it’s absolutely okay for her to simply not want to play as much. But for her sake (or his), check with your vet to make sure the issue isn’t undiagnosed pain and with your trusted force-free trainer to rule out fear or play opportunity cravings.